In a spectacle even reality TV couldn’t script, Donald Trump is now claiming bad press coverage is “illegal” while his allies weaponize federal agencies against late-night hosts who dare mock them.
“When 97 percent of the stories are bad about a person, it’s no longer free speech,” Trump moaned from the Oval Office, sounding like a Yelp reviewer furious that his one-star rating didn’t magically become five stars. Where he got the 97 percent number? Who knows. Maybe it’s the same spreadsheet where he tracks his inauguration crowd size, golf wins, and “perfect phone calls.”
This latest tantrum arrives just days after Disney (yes, the house of Mickey Mouse) suspended late-night host Jimmy Kimmel. His crime? Mocking MAGA's reaction to Charlie Kirk, who was tragically shot and killed last week. Cue the MAGA outrage machine. Federal Communications Commissioner Brendan Carr — apparently auditioning for the role of “Trump’s Favorite Second Reich Henchman” in the inevitable Netflix docuseries — went on a podcast hinting the FCC might take action against ABC, which Disney owns. Because nothing says “small government” like using federal agencies to police jokes.
Kimmel’s suspension lit up social media faster than the Epstein list reveal. Democrats and actual free speech defenders cried foul. Even Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, not exactly known for viral TikToks, demanded Carr’s resignation. Yet in true GOP soap opera style, Ted Cruz — yes, Cancun Cruz himself — popped up on a podcast calling Carr’s moves “dangerous as hell” and “right out of Goodfellas.” One can only assume Cruz saw himself as Ray Liotta in this analogy.
But Trump, never one to miss an opportunity to toss gasoline on a dumpster fire, defended Carr as “incredible” and “a great American,” before passive-aggressively disagreeing with Cruz. “He’s a courageous person,” Trump said of Carr. “He doesn’t like to see the airwaves be used illegally and incorrectly.” Translation: “My allies get to do the silencing, not you!”
The entire episode reads like a parody of a parody — a mashup of The Apprentice and The Handmaid’s Tale with a sprinkle of South Park. Right-wing figures who once wrapped themselves in the First Amendment are now gleefully stomping it into the ground because someone made a joke on TV. Meanwhile, Trump — the man who accused Twitter of “illegal” bias before launching his own ghost town of a social network — is out here trying to outlaw bad press.
If this is the future of “free speech” under MAGA rule, brace yourself. The next time a comedian makes a Trump joke, we might see a live FCC raid broadcast between commercials for MyPillow and reverse-mortgage ads. Until then, America’s late-night hosts better start practicing their best “all hail the Dear Leader” monologues — or risk becoming the next headline in this ever-expanding reality show of hypocrisy.
