House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) told reporters Friday that Donald Trump, far from brushing off Jeffrey Epstein’s abuses as a “Democrat Epstein Hoax,” was actually working undercover as an FBI informant.
Johnson, who now holds the unenviable job of explaining whatever Donald Trump blurts out on any given day, claimed the former president had always taken Epstein’s crimes “very seriously” — so seriously, in fact, that Trump allegedly sacrificed his career as a billionaire golf course operator to moonlight as a federal informant against a man he once called a “terrific guy.”
“What Trump is referring to is the hoax that the Democrats are using to try to attack him,” Johnson explained, offering the 18th distinct explanation Republicans have floated this month for why Trump refers to a bipartisan push to release Epstein files as “fake.”
“It’s been misrepresented. He’s not saying that what Epstein did is a hoax. It’s a terrible, unspeakable evil; he believes that himself. When he first heard the rumor, he kicked him out of Mar-a-Lago,” Johnson said, repeating a story that has now achieved biblical parable status in Republican politics.
Then Johnson raised eyebrows across Washington by dropping a line that sounded like the rejected plot of a mediocre Netflix spy drama.
“He was an FBI informant to try to take this stuff down,” Johnson declared of Trump, without clarifying whether this alleged FBI stint happened before or after the 2002 New York Magazine profile where Trump described Epstein as “terrific” and “fun to be with.”
The Excuse Evolution Chart™
Johnson’s new claim marks a dramatic milestone in what historians are calling “the evolution of Trump’s Epstein excuses”:
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Phase One (2002): “Terrific guy.”
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Phase Two (2016–2020): “Never knew him, fake news.”
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Phase Three (2020–2023): “Obama, Biden, and Hillary made it up.”
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Phase Four (2024): “Democrat Epstein Hoax.”
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Phase Five (2025): “Actually, Trump was secretly James Bond with an FBI badge.”
Sources close to the former president note that Trump’s FBI résumé has yet to materialize, though his history of writing Epstein birthday cards and fighting with him over real estate deals has been thoroughly documented. The New York Times reported in July that the Trump–Epstein friendship fell apart in 2004 after Epstein “acted inappropriately” toward a Mar-a-Lago member’s daughter — a point Trumpworld has recycled into proof of his lifelong moral crusade.
Meanwhile, the White House declined to comment on Johnson’s claim, and Johnson’s office went temporarily offline after reporters asked whether Trump’s FBI informant status came with a badge, a trench coat, or a hidden wire.
Critics say Johnson’s defense perfectly illustrates the GOP’s current political strategy: throwing increasingly desperate excuses at the wall until something, anything, sticks.
“It’s really quite moving,” one political analyst deadpanned. “First, Epstein’s crimes were a hoax. Then it was Hillary’s fault. Then it was Biden’s fault. And now Trump was apparently leading Operation Epstein Takedown while also autographing birthday cards. If this man ever admits responsibility for something, the earth may stop spinning.”
